List #7 - Flight of the Conchords

I adore Flight of the Conchords. Like, really really adore. It's too bad that they would not return for a third season.

Flight of the Conchords is a New-Zealand comedy duo composed of Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement. Billing themselves as "New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo", the group uses a combination of witty banter and acoustic guitars to work the audience. The duo's comedy and music became the basis of a BBC radio series and then an American television series, which premiered on 2007 on HBO, also called Flight of the Conchords. The duo's live performances have gained them a worldwide cult following.

Attention, these following video and lyrics is added by purpose. Not that I run out of words to describe, but because it will be more easily understood if you sing along with the song!

Here comes the big ten:

#10 Hurt Feelings (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

Some people say that rappers don’t have feelings

We have feelings. (We have feelings)

Some people say that we are not rappers. (We’re rappers.)

That hurts our feelings.

(Hurts our feelings when you say we’re not rappers.)

Some people say that rappers are invincible

We’re vincible. (We’re vincible.)

What you are about to hear are true stories

(Real experiences)

Autobiographical raps.

Things that happened to us, All true

Bring the rhyme!

I make a meal for my friends,

Try to make it delicious,

Try to keep it nutritious,

Create wonderful dishes.

Not one of them thinks about the way I feel

Nobody compliments the meal

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings

I feel like a prize asshole

No one even mentions my casserole.

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings.

You coulda said something nice about my profiteroles

Here’s a little story to bring a tear to your eye,

I was shopping for a wetsuit to scuba dive,

But every suit I tried is too big around the thighs,

And the assistant suggested I try a ladies’ size

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings

I’m not gonna wear a ladies’ wetsuit I’m a man!

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings

Get me a small man’s wetsuit, please

It’s my birthday, 2003

Waitin’ for a call from my family

They forgot about me

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings

The day after my birthday is not my birthday, Mum

I call my friends and say, “Let’s go into town,”

But they’re all too busy to go into town

So I go by myself, I go into town

Then I see all my friends, they’re all in town

I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings.

They’re all lined up to watch that movie

“Maid in Manhattan.”

Have you even been told that your ass is too big?

Have you ever been asked if your hair is a wig?

Have you ever been told you’re mediocre in bed?

Have you ever been told you’ve got a weird-shaped head?

Has your family ever forgotten you and driven away?

Once again, they forgot about J

Were you ever called “homo” ‘cuz at school you took drama?

Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?

Tears of a rapper (tears of a rapper),

I’m crying tears of a rapper

Tears of a rapper

#9 You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

Ooooh ooooh

It's a cold night

Beneath the street lights

There's a man whose pants are too tight

Oh no, his pants are too tight

(My pants are too tight!)

He stands there

An empty stare

Trying to make enough money for his cab fare home

He'll have to walk home tonight

(Don't have enough for the ride)

The streets are cruel

He tries to act cool

He goes to work with only his one tool

You can put away your tool, Jemaine!

You don't have to be a Prostitute

No no no no no

You can say no to being a man-ho

A male gigalow

You don't have to be a Prostitute

No no no no no

You can say no to being a night-looker, a boy-hooker a rent-boy bro-ho

He cannot see his way out

(I cannot my way out)

He can't see his way out

(Male prostitution seems to be my only option)

He can't see his way out

(I cannot see my way out)

He can't see his way out

No no no no no

He's selling cheap thrills

To pay expensive bills

But check your resume

You must have some other skills

Do you have any other skills

Like typing?

They see him, wanting to please them

Wanting to play him, but they don't even pay him

Oh no no

They don't think he's worth it at all

Though they are no one

He tries to bring them home

Maybe it'd be ok if he lived alone

Ooh you have a roommate, Jemaine

Don't bring them home

You don't have to be a prostitute

No no no no no

You can say no to being a man-ho

A male gigalo

You don't have to be a prostitute

No no no no no

You can say no to being a night-looker, a boy-hooker a rent-boy bro-pro

#8 Leggy Blonde (Flight of the Conchords, 2008)

Goodbye, Goodbyeee, Leggie Blonde.

Everyday I look across the office floor, there you were, you're hair down to you're legs and you're legs down to the floor.

Leggie blonde, goodbye. Goodbye.

Now that you are gone I'll never see you here for tech repair, wish you knew how much I loved you're legs, and you're hair. Leggie Blonde, goodbye. Goodbye

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Leggie blonde, goodbye. Goodbye.

I had a budgie but it died, Woah-Oh.

I like pieeeeee

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Leggie leggie leggie leggie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Blondie blondie blondie blondie

Leggie Blonde.....

(office supply solo)

I'll never get, I'll never get to be with you,

I'll never get to share another cup of tea with you,

I'll never get to let you know how much I think of you,

I'll never get to tear you're clothes off on the photo copier.

He'll never get,

He'll never get,

He'll never get,

He'll never get to say....

Oh leggie blonde you got it goin on wanna see you wearin that thong thong thong, see you get it on till the break of dawn...panties on.

Goodbye.....

#7 Robots (Flight of the Conchords, 2008)

The distant future,

The year 2000

The distant future,

The year 2000

The distant future,

The distant future.

It is the distant future,

The year 2000.

we are robots.

The world is quite different ever since the robotic uprising of the late 90's.

There is no more unhappiness.

Affirmative

We no longer say "Yes," instead, we say "Affirmative."

Yes, er...affirmative.

Unless we know the other robot really well.

There is no more unethical treatment of the elephants.

Well, there's no more elephants, so...

Ah, but still, it's good.

There's only one kind of dance: The Robot.

And the Robo Boogie

Oh and the Ro...two kind of dances

But there are no more humans.

Finally, robotic beings rule the world!

The humans are dead.

The humans are dead.

We used poisonous gases,

And we poisoned their asses.

The humans are dead.

(The humans are dead.)

The humans are dead.

(They look like they're dead.)

It had to be done,

(I'll just confirm that they're dead.)

So that we could have fun.

(Affirmative, I poked one, it was dead.)

Their system of oppression,

(What did it lead to?)

Global robo-depression.

(Robots ruled by people.)

They had so much aggression that we just had to kill them,

Had to shut their systems down.

Robo captain, do you not realize that by destroying the human race because of their destructive tendencies, we too have become like, well...it's ironic. (mm) Cause we...

Silence! Destroy him!

DOO! (boo!) Dooboodoo!

After time we grew strong,

Developed cognitive powers,

They made us work for too long,

For unreasonable hours.

Our programming determined that the most efficient answer was to shut their mother board fucking systems down.

Can't we just talk to the humans?

Their little understanding might make things better.

Can't we talk to the humans, and work together now?

No, because they are dead!

I said,

The humans are dead.

(I'm glad they are dead.)

The humans are dead.

(I noticed, they're dead.)

We used poisonous gases,

(With traces of lead)

And we poisoned their asses.

(Actually, Their lungs.)

Binary solo!

0000001

00000011

000000111

00001111

Oh, oh, oh, one.

(binary solo continues)

Come on sucker, lick my battery!

Boogie, boogie,

(The humans are...)

Boogie, Robo boogie.

(The humans are...)

Boogie, boogie,

(Robo boogie)

Boogie, Robo boogie.

Boogie, boogie,

(The humans are...)

Boogie, Robo Boogie

Boogie, boogie,

(The humans are...)

Boogie, Robo Boogie

The humans are dead.

Once again, without emotion, the humans are dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, doooo

#6 A Kiss Is Not A Contract (Flight of the conchords, 2008)

A kiss is not a contract

but it's very nice

yes it's very nice

Just because you've been exploring my mouth

Doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south

A kiss is not a contract

but it's very nice

yes it's very very nice

Just because we've been playing tonsil hockey

Doesn't mean you get to score the goal in my jockeys

Just because I'm in an acoustic folk band,

It doesn't mean I only want poon-tang

I can't go around loving everyone

I just wouldn't get anything done

Oh because...

I'm only one man

Baby

We're only two men, Ladies

Baby, oh pretty babies

#5 Friends (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

Pom pom-pom, pom pom-pom (ping) (repeat)

(A Capella)

Friends sing together

La La La La

Friends do things together

La La La La

Friends laugh together

Ha Ha Ha Ha

Friends make graphs together

La La La La

Friends help you when you're in danger

Friends are people who are not strangers

Friends help you shift into a new place

Tell you if you've got food on you're face

Friends are the ones, on who you can depend

He's my friend, He's not my friend

Friends are the ones who are there at the end

He's my friend, They're not my friends

If you trip over I'll catch you're fall

If you break my dick, I won't break you're balls

If you get drunk and vomit on me

I'll make sure you get home safely

If you cross the road and a drunk struck you

And scrape you up and reconstruct you

I'll cheer you up if you're depressed

If you get murdered I'll avenge you're death

Friends walk together

La La La La

Pop and lock together

(Zzi zzu Zzi Zzu)

Me and him together

La La La La

Me and Jim forever

Friends go jogging at the track

Friends borrow money never pay It back

Friends do not let friends do crack

Friends go out and grab a snack

Friends drink beer in the sun

Unlike girlfriends they don't mind if you have more than one

Friends tell you when you're flys undone

My Uncle John had a special friend

They dressed a like, his name was Ben

I've never seen two friends like them

They we're very very friendly men

La La La La

Friends, Friends, Friends

La La La La

Friends, Friends, Friends, Friends

La La La La

Friends, Friends, Friends, Friends

La La La La

Friends

La La La La

#4 If You're Into It (The Distant Future, 2007)

If you want me to, I can hang 'round with you

If I only knew, that's what you're into

You and him, him and you

If that's what you're into

Him hangin' round, around you

You hangin' round, yeah you're there too

And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you

I'll take off all my clothes for you

If that's what you're into

How 'bout him in the nude?

If that's what you're into

In the nude in front of you

Is that what you'd wanna view?

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too

It could be a dream come true, providing that's what you are into

Is that what you're into?

Him and you in the nude?

That's what he's prepared to do

Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?

And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator

In the kitchen next to the pantry

You think that might be what you fancy?

In the buff, bein' rude

Doin' stuff with the food

Gettin' nude with his food

We heard that's what you are into

Then on our next date

well you could bring your roommate

I don't know if Stu is keen to

But maybe we could double team you

How 'bout you and two dudes?

Him, you, and Stu in the nude

Bein' lewd with two dudes with food

Well that's if Stu's into it too

All the things I do

The things I'd do for you

If I only knew, that's what you're into

#3 Carol Brown (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

Loretta broke my heart in a letter

Told me she was leaving and her life would be better

Joan broke it off over the phone

After the tone she left me alone

Jen said she'd never ever see me again

When I saw her again, she said it again

Jan met another man

Liza got amnesia, just forgot who I am

Felicity said there was no electricity

Emily, no chemistry

Fran, ran, Bruce turned out to be a man

Flo had to go, I couldn't go with the flow

Carol Brown just took the bus out of town

But im hoping that you'll stick around

He doesnt cook or clean

He's not good boyfriend material

Ooh, we can eat cereal

You'll lose interest fast,, his relationships never last

Shut up girlfriends from the past

He says he'll do one thing and then he goes and does another thing

Oooh

Who organized all my ex-girlfriends into a choir

And got them to sing?

Ooh Ooh Ooh, Shut up

Shut up girlfriends from the past

Mimi will no longer see me

Brittany, brittany hit me

Paula, Persephone, Stella, and Stephanie

There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me

Carol Brown just took the bus out of town

Love is a delicate thing, you can't just throw it away on the breeze

He said the same thing to me

How can we ever know if im the right person in this world

That means he looks at other girls

Love is a mystery, it does not follow rules

This guy is a fool

He'll always be a boy, hes a man that never grew up

I thought I told you to shut up

Mona, you told me you were in a coma

Tiffany, you said that you had an epiphany

Mmmm

Would you like a little cereal?

Who organized this choir of ex-girlfriends?

Was it you Carol Brown?

Was it you Carol Brown?

Carol Brown just took the bus out of town

But im hoping that you'll stick around

Stick around

Stick around

Stick around

Stick around

#2 Rambling Through the Avenues of Time (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

I was wandering through the streets of the city

Rambling through the avenues of time

When from nowhere my eyes fell onto a girl, and by chance her eyes fell onto mine

(Ehh)

So I sat and I acted all nonchalant

She smoked her lavender cigarette

Reading the future that lay in my hands, as my shadow played a bass clarinet

(Where are you going with this Bret?)

We waltzed down a moonlit boulevard

Just two silhouettes in the mist

(Oh yes)

Days went by and years went by

Moments went by when we kissed

(When was this?)

She said "your beard is woven of heartache"

And we'll drink for the lonely, tonight

And the moon is a horny old drunkard

(Uh Bret, could you please move over to your right?)

We drank dandelion wine and we reminisced about the moment when we first met that day

(I'm trying to watch TV)

Then we reminisced about how we first reminisced

(Oh yea? Sounds a bit gay)

She handed me a broken memory

A keepsake to forever-more save

That a brief taste of love is as sweet as any

And with that she made her way

She said her name was a secret

Then she said her name was Cherie

(Is her middle name Cherie?

So its a secret Cherie? Maybe?)

Hmm maybe

(What'd she look like?)

She looked like a Parisian river

(What, dirty?)

She looked like a chocolate eclair

(Thats rare)

Her eyes were reflections of eyes

(Ohh nice)

And the rainbows danced in her hair

(Oh yea)

She reminded me of a winter's morning

(What, frigid?)

Her perfume was Eau De Toilette

(What does that mean?)

She was comparable to Cleopatra

(Quite old?)

She was like Shakespeare's Juliet

(What 13?)

The bohemians of SoHo did pirouettes, as we waltzed through the streets of Manhattan

On rivers of ribbon and sailboats of songs

(Bret, did any of this actually happen?)

The girl I described, she's as real as the wind

Its true, I saw her today

The other details are inventions

Because I prefer her that way

#1 Pencils In The Wind/Sello Tape (I Told You I Was Freaky, 2009)

Lives are like delicate pencils

If you push them too hard they're gonna break

And people are like paper dolls

Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape

Hmm hmm hm

Love is like a roll of tape

It's real good for making two things one

But just like that roll of tape

Love sometimes breaks off before you were done

Another way that love is similar to tape

That I've noticed

Is sometimes it's hard to see the end

You search on the roll

(search on the roll)

Search on the roll

(searching round the roll)

Search on the roll

(search)

With your fingernail

Again and again

And again and again

And agaaaain.

Brown paper, white paper

Stick it together with the tape

The tape of love

The sticky stuff

Brown paper, white paper

Stick it together with tape

The tape of love

The sticky stuff.

People people

Brown paper, white paper

Paper paper Stick it together with tape

Paper paper The tape of love

People people

People people

Pencil pencil

Pencil pencil

Paper paper

Put the pencil to the paper

Give the paper to the people

Let the people read about the sello tape

Oh baby baby

Yeah

Bret:

You know, Jemaine, I've been thinking about love.

And I guess it's the very strongest adhesive.

Jemaine:

Oh sorry, Bret. Were you talking to me? I was humming.

What did you say?

Bret:

Oh, just... nothing.

Brown paper, white paper

Stick it together with tape

The tape of love

The sticky stuff

Yeah

Ooh brown

Brown paper, white paper

Stick it together with tape

The tape of love

Say it

Sticky

Stick stick

Stick it together

Ye-yeah